Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Yuck.
Someone had this blog temporarily shut down but it's all good...we're back up and running. Unfortunately when I read Keira's latest post I was left pretty speechless unless you consider throwing up a valid form of communication. It can be summarized "chemicals I put on my body...blah blah blah Vogue...blah blah I look like Gwyneth Paltrow...oh no what if I get fat from fruit!" Fascinating. Minus the fascinating.
Friday, April 18, 2008
You love me, you really love me!
It's funny how reactive people have been to what I've written considering I was primarily just compiling things K.A. has typed herself and published publicly on the internet. I'm the one who's apparently "lonely" "sad" and "stalking" her. (By the way, stalking was recently redefined as reading someone's blog and writing about it--look it up) Keira herself seemed to be pretty fine with it yet everyone else is in an uproar. Just to clarify, I don't *hate* Keira's blog. I find it entertaining but, as I said in a recent comment, in the same way a car crash is entertaining.
Keira has said herself, "It’s okay, I get it. Many of you who read this blog are my friends and family and, therefore, have a great deal of love for me. However, it hasn’t escaped me that a few of my readers have quite a sour taste in their mouths for me and their reasons for checking in on my blog are more of a guilty pleasure; a love/hate, if you will. I’m a big girl - I can handle that."
She gets it. I don't know why the rest of you don't. Plus, her post about my blog has gotten more comments than anything else she's written in a while. In fact, if I were you I'd be starting to wonder if this blog wasn't written by Keira herself as a publicity stunt.
So far Chels is my favourite. For the record Chels, I would love to make a top 5 list of your blog but it seems to be the antithesis of Keira's blog. Glancing over your first page I saw no references to blow jobs, shoe shopping or shiny hair. I seem to have somehow inferred that I just hate life (or girls?) which is not true at all. I have a beautiful girlfriend (no, I'm not a girl who is jealous of Keira's 'fabulousness' but good guess) a great job and a lot of different activities to occupy my time. I'm not sure how much time you think it took me to write that last post that you all assume that I have no life. It only took me eight hours with a half hour lunch. But seriously folks, everyone take a deep breath. Honestly, I didn't actually mean to piss anyone off. If I had I would have fabricated things about Keira that weren't true or said she was ugly (which I don't think) or just general slander. All I did was collect a few gems that I find ridiculous things for a person to write.
Keira, you have a huge amount of groupies so you're doing something right. Keep blogging about how good your hair smells and how hard it is to be so perfect that no man could possibly handle you; you might just get a book deal.
And I will probably continue to make jokes about it. Until I tire of this.
Keira has said herself, "It’s okay, I get it. Many of you who read this blog are my friends and family and, therefore, have a great deal of love for me. However, it hasn’t escaped me that a few of my readers have quite a sour taste in their mouths for me and their reasons for checking in on my blog are more of a guilty pleasure; a love/hate, if you will. I’m a big girl - I can handle that."
She gets it. I don't know why the rest of you don't. Plus, her post about my blog has gotten more comments than anything else she's written in a while. In fact, if I were you I'd be starting to wonder if this blog wasn't written by Keira herself as a publicity stunt.
So far Chels is my favourite. For the record Chels, I would love to make a top 5 list of your blog but it seems to be the antithesis of Keira's blog. Glancing over your first page I saw no references to blow jobs, shoe shopping or shiny hair. I seem to have somehow inferred that I just hate life (or girls?) which is not true at all. I have a beautiful girlfriend (no, I'm not a girl who is jealous of Keira's 'fabulousness' but good guess) a great job and a lot of different activities to occupy my time. I'm not sure how much time you think it took me to write that last post that you all assume that I have no life. It only took me eight hours with a half hour lunch. But seriously folks, everyone take a deep breath. Honestly, I didn't actually mean to piss anyone off. If I had I would have fabricated things about Keira that weren't true or said she was ugly (which I don't think) or just general slander. All I did was collect a few gems that I find ridiculous things for a person to write.
Keira, you have a huge amount of groupies so you're doing something right. Keep blogging about how good your hair smells and how hard it is to be so perfect that no man could possibly handle you; you might just get a book deal.
And I will probably continue to make jokes about it. Until I tire of this.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Top Ten
So I started this blog because I recently stumbled on the blog of a Vancouver girl named Keira-Anne Mellis. While reading it I began to feel almost sick to my stomach at the amount of self-congratulation that goes on in this girl's head. She's clearly modelled her life after Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City but someone needs to tell this girl that Sex and the City is fictional! Feel free to check it out yourself but in the interest of saving you the time reading about which shampoo makes her hair smell the best I thought I would break it down to some of the best lines from this blonde narcissist. My top ten currently are...
10. Simply ask yourself “is there anything this girl can’t do?”
6.In recent weeks, I’ve given much thought about what it means to be a girl. Sometimes it’s much more difficult than men realize. What their logical brains can’t figure out is how we girls can be so illogical at times.
5.I think that’s me - the girl who is too good of a catch for many men to deal with.
4.The truth is, I have long legs and a narrow waist, and mass jean manufacturers simply don’t cut their jeans to suit. Even Gap’s ‘Long and Lean’ collection presumes that “if you’re tall then surely you must have saddlebags, so let’s put in extra fabric to accommodate for them.” The truth is, I’m 5-foot-9 with a 3/4 waist.
3It’s somewhat intriguing that I live in a high-rise apartment building in downtown Vancouver. Each day I put on sparkly jewellery and high heels beforing clicking my way down the sidewalk to yet another high rise. There, I sit in a swivelling chair while my manicured nails clack away on a keyboard for eight hours.
2.Usually I get the compliments of the following sort:
And coming in at number one, my personal favourite...a tip for blow jobs. Surprising? Just the fact that Keira can stop talking about how shiny her hair is for long enough to suck a...well...anyway....
1.One tip I can offer you: Breathe through your nose. Breathing through your mouth is, quite literally, impossible when obstructed. That logic didn’t come to me instantly.
10. Simply ask yourself “is there anything this girl can’t do?”
The answer is a resounding “no.”
9.Very recently I discovered the bible, the bible being Vogue magazine
8.Not surprisingly, three out of my top five photos that have been “favourited” by Flickr folks are of my body and a bikini.
7.I love being girlie, I love using the phrase “just being a girl” as an excuse for countless offenses and I love that everything “girlie” is just a little bit more fabulous.6.In recent weeks, I’ve given much thought about what it means to be a girl. Sometimes it’s much more difficult than men realize. What their logical brains can’t figure out is how we girls can be so illogical at times.
5.I think that’s me - the girl who is too good of a catch for many men to deal with.
4.The truth is, I have long legs and a narrow waist, and mass jean manufacturers simply don’t cut their jeans to suit. Even Gap’s ‘Long and Lean’ collection presumes that “if you’re tall then surely you must have saddlebags, so let’s put in extra fabric to accommodate for them.” The truth is, I’m 5-foot-9 with a 3/4 waist.
3It’s somewhat intriguing that I live in a high-rise apartment building in downtown Vancouver. Each day I put on sparkly jewellery and high heels beforing clicking my way down the sidewalk to yet another high rise. There, I sit in a swivelling chair while my manicured nails clack away on a keyboard for eight hours.
2.Usually I get the compliments of the following sort:
“Keira, your hair is gorgeous.”
or…
“Keira, I wish I smelled as pretty as you do.”
or…
“Keira, how come you’re so good at everything you do?”
or…
“Keira…oh, Keira…mmm…yeah…”
And coming in at number one, my personal favourite...a tip for blow jobs. Surprising? Just the fact that Keira can stop talking about how shiny her hair is for long enough to suck a...well...anyway....
1.One tip I can offer you: Breathe through your nose. Breathing through your mouth is, quite literally, impossible when obstructed. That logic didn’t come to me instantly.
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